Sunday, January 24, 2010
What's under your eyelids?!
The mind is a fickle thing! Have you ever tried just lying down with your eyes closed and try to see?? Sounds absurd?! What I mean is have u tried seeing whats at the back of your eyelids?! havent?! try it ! it can be pretty fun and a bit disorienting. But dont worry, sanity is just an eyelid away :)
Looking back...and forward...
Am back again..staring at the familiar screen of the blog's new post window, which still looks ( astonishingly, considering today's fast changing world) so similar to the screen that stared at me when i first got this urge to blog some five years back..
and i wonder.. how things have changed, how much i have grown..or how much i haven't...
And i think of all the journeys that I have been on ... and i mean not just the ones on which i traveled places. I think of all those dreams left behind, those ideals compromised, those heights gained and those lows reached. I think of all those people who I ve met on this journey, a few who are still close in heart and body..so many, oh so many who lie buried in the deepest recesses of my memory, biding their time, waiting for those flashes of deja vu to resurface them, albeit fleetingly into consciousness, a sweet reminder of days gone by, greyscaled footage of memories which seems to surprise you with their clarity and detail.
I like thinking about the good times I had.. somehow they seem better every passing year. As though the fun and smiles are like wine, growing better and settling down as the years fly by. I only wish I could just sit back with nary a thought in my head in an easy chair like the one grandfather used to recline in after lunch ( a charukasera, in malayalam, a simple elegant but immensely comfortable piece of furniture ) and just stare at the bright blue sky and lose myself in golden memories, and let my mind wander by itself to wherever it chooses. Ah! bliss.. But I guess, such peace of mind is a long way off, something to be earned, not dreamt wistfully off..But till that day, I will dream on..
and i wonder.. how things have changed, how much i have grown..or how much i haven't...
And i think of all the journeys that I have been on ... and i mean not just the ones on which i traveled places. I think of all those dreams left behind, those ideals compromised, those heights gained and those lows reached. I think of all those people who I ve met on this journey, a few who are still close in heart and body..so many, oh so many who lie buried in the deepest recesses of my memory, biding their time, waiting for those flashes of deja vu to resurface them, albeit fleetingly into consciousness, a sweet reminder of days gone by, greyscaled footage of memories which seems to surprise you with their clarity and detail.
I like thinking about the good times I had.. somehow they seem better every passing year. As though the fun and smiles are like wine, growing better and settling down as the years fly by. I only wish I could just sit back with nary a thought in my head in an easy chair like the one grandfather used to recline in after lunch ( a charukasera, in malayalam, a simple elegant but immensely comfortable piece of furniture ) and just stare at the bright blue sky and lose myself in golden memories, and let my mind wander by itself to wherever it chooses. Ah! bliss.. But I guess, such peace of mind is a long way off, something to be earned, not dreamt wistfully off..But till that day, I will dream on..
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Drunk...
I like drunk people. People who can hold their drink i mean. Not the ones who go around smashing things on a high or end up throwing up all over the place. I like those who, after knocking back a couple of hard ones, get this peaceful look on their face and become great fun to chat with. I know people who find it so hard to express themselves in their sober state, become masters of eloquence when drunk, and I love listening to them when they do. The dialted pupils, the dazed happy expression on their faces, the smug grin, the overflowing camedarie make normal people abnormal, adds a dash of colour to their charachters, who are ptherwise black and white in the cartoon of life. A kind-of peaceful pallor descends on them, and I wonder whther they experience more happiness than I ever can in my sober state?!
the could-have-beens...
Chances.
A mistake.
Guilt.
Regret.
The could-have-beens.
Irritation.
The dead feeling at the pit of the stomach.
Life has this funny way of making you look back at it and wonder how things would have turned out "if-only" somethings had turned out the way they could have, would have,...should have.
And it doesnt stop with that. The mind wanders, like a leaf caught in a rainstorm. It flies in to the darkest recesses of the memory and brings back memories- sad, painful, guilt-ridden. And it starts to question whther all those things in ur life which rather not have happened would have hapened if its previous such twist of fate had not happened?!
And it has this way of knocking surprises down ur path. Just when u think its all smooth sailing and u are cruising along lifes highway with the top down basking in the sun, u feel the sharp cold tingle of a raindrop on ur skin. And before you know it, its pouring down heavily and the roof is stuck and cant be closed.
And the chill in your bones more real and much more stronger than the warmth ever was.
A mistake.
Guilt.
Regret.
The could-have-beens.
Irritation.
The dead feeling at the pit of the stomach.
Life has this funny way of making you look back at it and wonder how things would have turned out "if-only" somethings had turned out the way they could have, would have,...should have.
And it doesnt stop with that. The mind wanders, like a leaf caught in a rainstorm. It flies in to the darkest recesses of the memory and brings back memories- sad, painful, guilt-ridden. And it starts to question whther all those things in ur life which rather not have happened would have hapened if its previous such twist of fate had not happened?!
And it has this way of knocking surprises down ur path. Just when u think its all smooth sailing and u are cruising along lifes highway with the top down basking in the sun, u feel the sharp cold tingle of a raindrop on ur skin. And before you know it, its pouring down heavily and the roof is stuck and cant be closed.
And the chill in your bones more real and much more stronger than the warmth ever was.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Moments...
No beginning. No end. As far as the eye can see, the road stretches on, right from the first faltering footstep to the final helpless collapse, we move on, oblivious to the chirruping birds on the wayside or the sweet fragrance of a dew-drenched rose. The path of life may twist and turn, but for the weary traveler, there is only one way – forward. He prods on, eyes set on avoiding the thorns here, the potholes there, but in doing so, his eyes miss the fast receding image of his origin, and his mind, whatever hazy notion he had of his destination. Till, some day, resting his weary legs in an ever-so-short moment of rest that he allows himself, his eyes catch a glimpse of something so remarkably simple yet exquisitely beautiful that for a moment, just a special beautiful moment, everything else is forgotten – he road, the thorns, the aching muscles – and all tat is left is moment of beauty , so transient and feeble, yet frozen for eternity. Heart filled with a feeling, too rich and strong to be reduced to words, he lifts his eyes and perceives the world around him in a different light. Where once he saw the dusty road stretching on, now his eyes seek out a horizon, beyond which he senses intriguing possibilities; where once he saw just travelers and path, now he sees the sky, the stars and the sun. Where once he ‘looked’, now he ‘saw’; where once he ‘walked’ now he ‘Lived’.
It is indeed these special moments that give a sense of purpose to all our lives. Each and every action of every human being ( and maybe animals too) is aimed at attaining our perception of happiness – an emotion whose definition is both fundamental and complex at the same time. Every deed – be it “good” or “bad” of ours is aimed at this. Even the so-called social sins – greed, gluttony, lust – aren’t all these aimed at happiness, however short term it may be?? but it is this eternal quest which stretches on till the last moment of our lives, clouding our vision of a lager, more fundamental purpose? Are we being blinded by our insatiable needs and end up missing the real reason behind the question of why we were given the consciousness to comprehend these very same questions? Does the path of life actually stretch on eternally or if not, what is, in fact, waiting for us beyond the horizon, even though, given our physical limitations we might never reach it? Well, I think that maybe, just the fact that we are gifted with the vision to perceive the horizons, means that we are also blessed with untapped reserves of mental prowess to comprehend what might lie beyond it, and it is this realization ,maybe that actually is the real destination-the end of the road. All I am sure of is that traveling doesn’t not make a journey but reaching somewhere does!(contrary to the popular saying i am afraid ;) )
In each of our lives, there are moments, like that of the traveler’s, in which we rise above the mundane reality of our drab existence and perceive a moment of such awe-inspiring beauty that it leaves us breathless, and fills in our heart the conviction, that we are, indeed, a small but integral part of an infinitely large cosmic puzzle. Moments like these may be few and far between, and come from anywhere- be it the sudden inspiration of an idea, the silent pride of an deserved triumph, the quiet joy of a kind deed, the elegant beauty of nature’s creations or even just a loving word from a beloved – but when they come, they leave an imprint that transcends our senses and gives us a glimpse of a realm, higher than ourselves.
It is indeed these special moments that give a sense of purpose to all our lives. Each and every action of every human being ( and maybe animals too) is aimed at attaining our perception of happiness – an emotion whose definition is both fundamental and complex at the same time. Every deed – be it “good” or “bad” of ours is aimed at this. Even the so-called social sins – greed, gluttony, lust – aren’t all these aimed at happiness, however short term it may be?? but it is this eternal quest which stretches on till the last moment of our lives, clouding our vision of a lager, more fundamental purpose? Are we being blinded by our insatiable needs and end up missing the real reason behind the question of why we were given the consciousness to comprehend these very same questions? Does the path of life actually stretch on eternally or if not, what is, in fact, waiting for us beyond the horizon, even though, given our physical limitations we might never reach it? Well, I think that maybe, just the fact that we are gifted with the vision to perceive the horizons, means that we are also blessed with untapped reserves of mental prowess to comprehend what might lie beyond it, and it is this realization ,maybe that actually is the real destination-the end of the road. All I am sure of is that traveling doesn’t not make a journey but reaching somewhere does!(contrary to the popular saying i am afraid ;) )
In each of our lives, there are moments, like that of the traveler’s, in which we rise above the mundane reality of our drab existence and perceive a moment of such awe-inspiring beauty that it leaves us breathless, and fills in our heart the conviction, that we are, indeed, a small but integral part of an infinitely large cosmic puzzle. Moments like these may be few and far between, and come from anywhere- be it the sudden inspiration of an idea, the silent pride of an deserved triumph, the quiet joy of a kind deed, the elegant beauty of nature’s creations or even just a loving word from a beloved – but when they come, they leave an imprint that transcends our senses and gives us a glimpse of a realm, higher than ourselves.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
back to being clueless and showing it ;) !!
“The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take milk for example. Why do we drink COW milk? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said. “I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze ‘em!”
- Calvin
classic quote from a classic character!! But again,how many of us have ever stopped to think such seemingly ludicrous but fundamentally simple questions??Where in the freeway of life have we got the time to let the top down,shift into low gear and cruise, enjoying the soft rustle of the wind through your hair, as your lips humm a long forgotten tune of childhood from the deepest recesses of the memeory?? we all kno tat this is true and its wrong - but then again, what can we do about it?? though it may provide good fuel for rhetoric, isnt it true tat you dont slow down on a freeway, tat is unless u want to be crushed under the mammoth truck tat was breathing down ur neck just behind u! Though all of us talk about following ous dreams, putting heart over head and so many other cliches, how many of us have it in us to implement them??With a shrug and a sigh, we tend to take shelter under the convenient excuse-"its not practicable"! or maybe its not an excuse, tats the truth. We live in a world where conformity is the name of the game and we seem to be doing fine with that-if only for our instinctive nature to always feel tat the grass is greener on the other side.This brings us to the single question tat each of us have pondered on, over and over again, in different points of our life - does happiness coming from striving for ur dream or being contended with ur lot? But whatever we choose,(or the society makes us choose)the sad part is tat we might still wonder whether it was the right choice ;)
- Calvin
classic quote from a classic character!! But again,how many of us have ever stopped to think such seemingly ludicrous but fundamentally simple questions??Where in the freeway of life have we got the time to let the top down,shift into low gear and cruise, enjoying the soft rustle of the wind through your hair, as your lips humm a long forgotten tune of childhood from the deepest recesses of the memeory?? we all kno tat this is true and its wrong - but then again, what can we do about it?? though it may provide good fuel for rhetoric, isnt it true tat you dont slow down on a freeway, tat is unless u want to be crushed under the mammoth truck tat was breathing down ur neck just behind u! Though all of us talk about following ous dreams, putting heart over head and so many other cliches, how many of us have it in us to implement them??With a shrug and a sigh, we tend to take shelter under the convenient excuse-"its not practicable"! or maybe its not an excuse, tats the truth. We live in a world where conformity is the name of the game and we seem to be doing fine with that-if only for our instinctive nature to always feel tat the grass is greener on the other side.This brings us to the single question tat each of us have pondered on, over and over again, in different points of our life - does happiness coming from striving for ur dream or being contended with ur lot? But whatever we choose,(or the society makes us choose)the sad part is tat we might still wonder whether it was the right choice ;)
Monday, September 10, 2007
A poem....
The Lighthouse
Like a sandy beach, pristine,
The mind stretches on...
Many a footprint left behind,
From the crowd that thronged it;
Many a castle built of sand,
Testimony to the day's antics;
But slowly.,it begins to rouse,
From its slumber, the ocean of time,
The tide grows high as the waves kiss,
The shore it had so dearly missed.
So overwhelming, their passion that,
The footprints they erase,
The castles they demolish;
Its foamy fury unleashed
That someone dared spoil
The virgin beauty it held its own.
And leave behind, it does,
A beach almost as good as new.
But try as they may, they just cant
Fell the lighthouse that stands tall
Facing nonchalantly the wrath and fury.
Roaring they rush, and crashing they fall,
The mighty ocean humbled,
By just a few pieces of brick and mortar.
And thus it stands for all eternity,
Casting its beam, into the darkness of time,
Illuminating the past,Lighting the future...
B.Amal
Like a sandy beach, pristine,
The mind stretches on...
Many a footprint left behind,
From the crowd that thronged it;
Many a castle built of sand,
Testimony to the day's antics;
But slowly.,it begins to rouse,
From its slumber, the ocean of time,
The tide grows high as the waves kiss,
The shore it had so dearly missed.
So overwhelming, their passion that,
The footprints they erase,
The castles they demolish;
Its foamy fury unleashed
That someone dared spoil
The virgin beauty it held its own.
And leave behind, it does,
A beach almost as good as new.
But try as they may, they just cant
Fell the lighthouse that stands tall
Facing nonchalantly the wrath and fury.
Roaring they rush, and crashing they fall,
The mighty ocean humbled,
By just a few pieces of brick and mortar.
And thus it stands for all eternity,
Casting its beam, into the darkness of time,
Illuminating the past,Lighting the future...
B.Amal
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